Ballet Is Haaaaardah
That first position’s a doosey! My mom’s a dance teacher, and I’ve taught a few kids’ classes in my day, but I’ve never seen anything like this. She almost eats it! Hopefully she’ll get the hang of using her feet before they reach 5th position!
Church Humor
This made me laugh so hard. And while I doubt it’s real, I can still relate since I’ve met far too many people who lack a sense of humor when it comes to religion. (I personally think that Haysoos keeps me around for my jokes.)Click on the image below for the story.
Movie Title Fail
Mom and I drove past a movie theater this morning, and the way they displayed their movie titles made it read like this: Harry Potter For Colored Girls. Dat‘s racist. Or something Tyler Perry got his hands on. One of the two.
It’s So Cold In The D
Ugggh...it’s so terrible. Yet, I can’t. stop. listening! I’m honestly curious how they threw this video together. I’d imagine that it’s something like this...
"Hey gurl, what you doin' today?"
"Nuffin."
"Wanna be in my video? Bring those photos of dead brothers in coffins that you have. Especially one of baby Tyrone. I'm gonna make it deep 'n' sh*t."
CAUTION: Potty language. (But totally worth it.)
Resourceful Movers™
Yesterday, Patrice and I took the car to go pick up a mattress. Obviously...we didn’t do the math on this one.
However, if we were to start a moving business, it would be called Resourceful Movers™. Within 5 seconds of realizing that the mattress wasn’t going to fit, we had a game plan. Go to the 99¢ store on the corner [that we had just been talking about], get some rope, and strap this puppy to the roof. Granted, I think that I could’ve broken the rope with my bare hands, and it kinda smelled like horse poo...but we safely* got the mattress home to her apartment.
* Ok...so it wasn’t the SAFEST endeavor. We both had a hand out the window holding on to the mattress handle and would gasp every time a strong gust of wind threatened to blow it down the highway. Where are the tv cameras when we’re up to these shenanigans?!? We’d blow Nicole/Paris/Oprah/Gayle/Kardashians out of the water.
Lunch Co-Op Gets A Visitor
I’ve recently joined a Lunch Co-Op at work, where we rotate days of cooking for the group. Today was my first day to bring in food, and I rocked it Southern style. Here was the menu (I apologize in advance for my lack of pictures):
• Pulled Pork Sandwiches w/Cole Slaw
• Collard Greens (Cooked with a ham hock and e'rything)
• Deviled Eggs
• Sliced Beefsteak Tomatoes
• Peach Cobbler w/Butter Pecan Ice Cream
The food was great, and I really love eating with these guys. However, the BEST part of the meal was when an older gentleman [that none of us had ever seen before] walked by and asked me about my cobbler. We were sitting in the office’s kitchen, so I thought he was just making conversation while making coffee, or reheating something in the microwave. However...
He picks up a bowl of cobbler and asks, “Hmmm...what’s this?!?”
I proudly answer, “Peach cobbler!”
“Hm. I thought it was potatoes.” And puts it back down.
THEN...he grabs a plate, takes the tongs from a co-op member’s hands, and proceeds to help himself to the food on our table.
Umm...WHAT?!?
I’m sure my jaw dropped to the floor since I am incapable of hiding my emotions. I wasn’t mad...just very, very confused. I didn’t say anything because we had plenty of food, and I didn’t want to embarrass him. But, I did throw in a “Yeah, I made all this over the weekend.” hoping that he’d pick up on the hint. ... Nope. Not at all.
He grabbed some BBQ, deviled eggs, and then CIRCLED AROUND TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE to get at the collard greens.
All of us at the table were completely silent and had eyes as big as saucers. Me, for one, couldn’t even breathe. Sitting at the table behind of us were some friends who didn’t need to stifle their laughter - which made it even that harder to hold it in. When he finally walked away we just all stared at each other in silence, then burst into 4th grade style giggles. I reached up to touch my face, and could feel that it was beet red from the awkwardness.
Poor man. Completely clueless. I guess he got a free home cooked lunch out of it...but he could have at least tried the cobbler.
VIDEO: Ricky Gervais + Elmo = Awesome
My nephew loves watching videos on YouTube, and one night during my last visit, I was tagging a bunch of videos that were appropriate for him to watch. Since Ricky Gervais is one of my favorite comedians, I was pumped to see him doing skits with Elmo. I didn’t share this particular video...since I’m not quite prepared to define necrophilia to a 4yo...but it had me rollllling. Elmo should do more stand up!
This one on the other hand IS child friendly, and equally as awesome. Who knew Ricky Gervais had such a great singing voice?!?
Owner of Segway Company Dies
The multi-millionaire owner of the Segway company died in a freak accident yesterday when he rode one of the high-tech two-wheel machines off a cliff and into a river.
I’m going to hell based solely on the amount of laughter that followed reading that sentence. I blame my animated imagination...for which I blame on watching too many cartoons as a kid. So, please forward all hate mail to Wile E. Coyote.
